if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
