why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
