Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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