I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
