her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize