apparently the secret to your success is patron
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
