I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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