I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
