remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
