here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
