What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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