Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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