Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
