Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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