His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
