I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
