I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
