i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
