He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
