i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
