If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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