Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
