oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
