my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
