Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
