Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize