the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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