You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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