A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
