He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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