Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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