Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
