then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
