can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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