i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
