I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
