She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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