I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
