You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
