it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize