I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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