My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
