So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
