I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
