So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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