The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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