I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
