3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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