A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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