I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
