Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
