Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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