Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize