Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
