I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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