i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
