I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
