Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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