hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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