i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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