forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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