Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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