I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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